Today, my sweet cousin sent us our Maternity pictures, and I got all sorts of nostalgic and emotional looking through them! Isn’t it crazy how 5 weeks of pregnancy can feel like years, and 5 weeks of them being out in the world can fly? When I look at almost every picture, video, or memory of some sort from this pregnancy, I can remember how I was feeling in that moment, if that even makes sense. Before and after these pictures, I was throwing up, just like most of the pictures or videos in my feed from the pregnancy. Now that I’m feeling so much better, it’s crazy to me how that was happening, but after 5 consecutive years of being sick to the point of IV’s multiple times per week, it was my normal. I knew that it couldn’t hold me back from doing things all the time. It definitely did keep me from things, lots of things, but I also tried to do as much as I could. My kids needed me, and the moments I was feeling good, I would throw on some lipstick and try to do things I liked–like making some of the silly videos or going somewhere with the family! Every outing meant that we would spend time on the side of the road, in the bathroom, or searching for a garbage can to toss my throw up bag. Now when I think about it, I’m so overwhelmed with emotion! I have been meaning to do a video about it, but every time I’ve thought about it I’ve been too emotional!
I feel like now that we are through it, it is easier for me to talk about, because I didn’t ever want to sound like I was giving a cry for help or asking for pity, and honestly I don’t even know if I knew the magnitude of how difficult it actually was! It was like I couldn’t even remember what a “normal” person felt like! During the sickness, after IV’s, or on the extra rough days, I tried my best to throw on some lipstick and keep going, but there were days that it felt like an overwhelming burden. But that’s the thing: Pregnancy, or Motherhood in general, no matter how it comes about, is such a labor of love! Elder Holland I think said it best, “Maternal love must be divine. There is no other explanation for it.” Whenever we Mamas are feeling hard on ourselves, just remember what you went through to bring those babies into the world or into your family. Whether it be a sick pregnancy or years of waiting , procedures, and praying; each Mama’s journey is different but so similar in the sense that we all love these babies so much, and are willing to do anything for them. How precious the responsibility and calling to be a Mama to these sweet babies.